Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You can't just leave with hair like that
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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