i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
