i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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