I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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