My first STD was from a foam party
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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