u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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