I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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