i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
