bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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