i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
