I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
