How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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