shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
