you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
