If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
