i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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