Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
