tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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