Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
