I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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