We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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