I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
the day after is always just damage control
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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