Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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