"it" just moved
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
