mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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