The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
