We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
