I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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