I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
