So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
