I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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