when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
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