Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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