grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
