So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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