The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
