FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
pray to the hookup gods
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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