Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize