I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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