If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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