Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
