My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
