im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
