ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
