I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
