do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize