and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It's rum buckets o'clock
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
