she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Is Oprah even human
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
