the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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