If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
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