thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
