Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
