I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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