and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
