did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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