we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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