Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
my being single is dangerous.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
