Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
