The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
this will be a night to untag.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
