I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You've changed since you got that strap on
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
