he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
