We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
