sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
