What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
my being single is dangerous.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize