Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
