he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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