And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize