Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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