You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
