this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
