New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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