evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
